my New job

I actually started work on september 27 2010 and on October 1st the resident i had been working with for 3 days passed away......right in front of me, me and him were alone. It was creepy and I was not happy about it but when he passed i called down to the office in a panic please come up there is no pulse he isnt responding (i had checked his pulse like 3 times before calling and one while the phone was ringing) after the girls came up to check him i continued to clean his room up and take out the trash and wash all the dishes. i was a little shaken up but it wasnt like he died painfully or bloody so i got over it pretty quickly. It looked like he was just sleeping(with his mouth open..) he was really white tho thats how i realised something was wrong...he looked discolored! normally people have the faintest shade of tan he was kinda white with a tint of green....i thought it was the lighting but it wasnt! And now that i think back on it! before he passed he was starring up at the ceiling before he passed and i thought it was because he was too weak and tired to say turn the light off(it was right above his head) so I turned it off and he was still starring up at the ceiling for like 4 more minutes and then he looked head on and closed his eyes slowly as if falling asleep peacefully. I remember thinking 'oh good he finally fell asleep maybe the medicine finally kicked it! I hope the cold compress is helping' so i dazed off trying not to fall asleep since im not a morning person and i had started at 6 am so i was still sooo sleepy. Then when i walked over to him 15 minutes later to change his cold compress i said " Mr ##### im going to change you cold compress, okay?" he didnt answer or respond. I felt for his pulse and nothing i felt for it again calling his name over and over again, then ran to the right side of the bed where the phone was, dialed and felt for his pulse again still nothing.
It wasn't a traumatic experience! Not like i thought it was going to be! tho it has been a month and I still remember it step by step minute by minute so i guess its something i probably wont forget! I felt so bad for his family because it was the only day since i worked with him that no one had came to visit him and an hour after he passed someone showed up....pretty sad. What has me curious though is what was he starring at? He was looking up at something...Im not sure


Well i have been working at so far i love my job but im always tired and always embarrassed feeling since im the biggest person in my department and i sweat a lot since im out of shape. Its been rough and I feel like just up and quitting because im sick of being embarrassed, but i know that's weak lazy and pathetic to just give up when I have such a great job! It doesn't pay a WHOLE lot but its an awesome job!