Flight Booked

Okay soo my flight is booked for July 2nd and I'm packing all of my things...just trying real hard not to fall apart because.....hawaii has been my whole world! I have never left and I never wanted to...this is my home and these are my people. But now starts a new adventure, I have always been the bravest boldest person I know...on the outside and now comes a real test of courage and I feel like I'm going to crack. Right now writing and reading my blog it feels like I'm reading a Soap or something! The drama hasn't ended from begging to end.

  But I feel like I am going to have a future FINALLY that doesn't consist of living with someones parents and sharing a place.....I can actually see myself in 5-7 years putting a down payment on a home. And the depression just goes away little by little. In case you haven't noticed that I am someone who suffers from depression.....its not pleasant and it feels like it rocks my whole world because i just cant prevent it from happening....It has been a bumpy road my life...not paved by cement but covered in gravel and broken beer bottles.
I have had a list since I was a kid this list....was and still is all the things I wanted to do when I grew up ;) Some were added along the years.

Go to Egypt
Sail a Boat
Buy a House under MY name without a man OR with a GREAT man
Get my own place and finally be independent
Find a Career(Thur July 24, 2010 i passed my Hawaii CNA state Test)
Become Successful at my chosen profession
Travel to Rome
Travel to Europe and see all they have to offer
Travel to somewhere other than Hawaii(My Flight Leaves to Ohio July 2, 2010)

I have a few things crossed off but there's sooo much more work to do! I cant Wait to start a new life for myself! Its so scary and exciting.

Garaged sale this past weekend

Im really very sad because i sold my things at my grandmothers garage sale this past friday and saturday and I was really upset because the prices for my stuff were soooooo low already but people are soooo cheap! It makes me soo mad because most of it was just about new and i sold it for 1/3 the price! GOSH people are like heartless.........
And today my ex boyfriend shut off my phone because he thinks that I was plannig to leave him for awhile and whatever and he was saying all this really mean stuff to me and yelling and im just soooo glad im leaving this place.

I have been trying to study but its so hard to focus with all these things going on!
Bye for now! and thanks for listening

Change 2

I spent the whole day packing, giving away and preparing to sell my prized possesions(not like my stuff is worth alot...only to me because of memories).....it was sooo depressing. I have lived here all my life and now Im going to be somewhere else very soon....Ohio in fact. And im not going to talk crap about ohio because I have never been there and im not ignorant sooo lets not talk about things we know NOTHING about. I hope its everything she says it is. Because im just soo tired of moving.
Let my explain, My whole life I have moved from house to house from school to school from Relative to Relative. I have lived with all of my grandmothers children (she has 8) and both my grandparents I have lived with 2 friends and lived with my boyfriends parents... I have been living with my boyfriend since I was 18....soooo 2 1/2 years and well thats my crazy life. I mean I cant complain because some people are homeless.....but sometimes I feel like my family is NEVER sympathetic at all towards me..."That happens all the time" or "its happened to EVERYONE"

WELL JUST BECAUSE IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME AND HAPPENS TO EVERYONE DOESNT MKE IT RIGHT AND IT DOESNT MEAN YOU SHOULD DISREGAURD MY FEELINGS ABOUT IT! Is that what someone else told you to do? Well I just cant I have enough things haunting my dreams do I need more? Whats so wrong with me venting, you taking my side and my slowly moving on?????? I mean im getting out of the longest relationship of my life and its going to be a week tomorrow and already Im moving states!!! CANT I GET A LITTLE SUPPORT????????? And my family is always telling me things like "oh poor you!" YES POOR ME OKAY? If i dont feel bad for myself then NO ONE WILL and im positive of that! I mean dont get me wrong I dont even want pity i just want to vent and for someone to understand and listen and JUST BE THERE! But no one in my life knows how to JUST listen im not sure they know what that means! Its sooo frustrating.....Im just tired of feeling alone!
I have so many things going on and im sooo stressed out! Yesterday I went to get my state ID and omg it took 4 hours to get it and I look HORRID and I have been studying like crazy...not to mention I am either getting my period or very very sick!
Well I have to go for now!! See you guys really soon!

About Me...

Hello my name is Mele,
I was born and raised in Hawaii. Im a 21 year old girl obviously and not to mention a total mess. My life was tough from the start. I was supposed to be a twin, the story My mom would tell me is the the reason I have a Blonde streak is because before my brother went to heaven he kissed my head and left a pink spot on my head where the blonde grows from. My Mom had me when she was 16 years old and was on drugs all while i grew up She had 8 kids total I am the oldest. My dad has been in and out of jail my whole life and on drugs so I couldnt rely on him either I was adobted by my grandmother...we were always very very poor. I got a job to buy food and my own clothes when i was 16 and have been working ever since but living pay check to pay check. I was on drugs for awhile....always drunk or stoned(weed) from 15 years old. I was a total disaster for a long time Getting soo drunk and blacking out not remembering what had happened but when I finally cleaned up my act and got a full time job saved up enough for my part of the first months rent and my part of the deposit, my friends bailed out on me. Left me high and dry with no where to turn so I moved in with my boyfriend because my family all had no room for me. When I first moved in we were only dating for two months soo things were fresh and happy. But by a year and a half I went from having loads and loads of friends to having 4 friends left, all of whom he did not like of course...... There was alot of him putting me down & making me feel terrible... ALOT of weight gain in 2 years (almost 80 lbs) & his family complaining about any and everything I did. As of June 17 we would have made 1 yr and 4 months but we broke up June 2 2010. It was the worst day of my life but I have to do what is best for me.
As of Friday June 5, 2010 I decided the only place I could survive is in the mainland......Hawaii is, and always will be my home....but its small, expensive and hard to survive.

Im sooo scared of moving for several reasons....
1.Im scared of heights and hate flying.
2. Ive never even been out of the state of hawaii.
3. I have 2 friends there
4. I know the people are not like me....will I fit in?
5.I dont want to leave him after almost 2 and a half years because I love him

So I almost have enough money to get there but Im struggling with it. My friend who is in Ohio(im moving to live with her till i get on my feet) She suggested I start a blog and ask people to donate.....I love other people alot and I give to charity when I have and if a homeless man ask for money I stop and give him money but I am Very doubtful when it comes to asking other people for things..... I feel very ashamed...so im asking online. Im not asking for a hundred dollars because i know everyone has their own problems and thats not fair of me but $.50 from 100 people is $50 and $50 x 12= $600 which is how much my ticket cost.